In Which I Abduct A Small Child

[Spanner]

“Run Away!”

Not a good way to start a day, defiantly. I hate Egypt, I really freaking hate Egypt. Well, I really hate this specific era of Egypt. Cleo’s alright I guess. The Ramses are a bit stubborn, but they got a decent sense of humor. Ptolemaeus is a grade A genius, didn’t even bat an eyelash when I dropped the whole ‘From the future’ bomb, on him. But Nooooo. I don’t get to visit them all the time. No, I need Rama-Freaking- Tut. Guy hates my guts. Wish I knew why, but it hasn’t happened yet. Still somewhere in my Yet. No charm, no style, no fun. But he’s got a time machine.

Well… a Machine which can sort of travel in time.

Well… a machine which can stumble and stagger through time. Barely.

Thing is a piece of junk. Which is good. At least, Good for me. Err, Well, Good enough for me. Good for me would be if it were unprotected and out in the middle of nowhere. It isn’t, of course. No, its heavily guarded and secluded. So, it’s not great for me I guess. But I does do the one thing I need it to, which is have a very leaky Time Drive. Thing spills out juice all over the 4-D plane. That part is good for me. A quick pass along the level, right through the ship, and my trail goes cold. Which is good, since my trail has gotten a little too hot lately.

Hence, that brings you up to my present. Early morning, running through the Egyptian Streets, dodging arrows fired by the city guard who spotted me while I was trying to sneak into the Hidden Time Ship hanger.

Well…Formerly hidden Time ship Hanger.

So, Here I am, running through ancient Egypt, trying to avoid sporting a very faux pas ‘body covered with arrows’ look as I go, and hoping that I got close enough to the faulty time core for it to matter, when it occuers to me that I cannot wait for the Roman empire to pick their togas up from around their ankles and go all Civilization IV on these guys.

And now I’m in a dead end ally. Damnit Girl, This is what you get for letting yourself get distracted in the middle of a chase. I turn round, looking back at the way I came. And see the guards already standing there, Swords drawn. Take it from me, guns and lasers and quantum disintegrators might pack a hundred times as much punch, but for intimidation, not a whole lot beats a sharpened length of iron.

I am very rapidly coming to think that I’m not going to reach the time Engine Today.

I ignore the guards at this point, since at this point I might as well already be gone. I check my watch, repeating the current time and date in my head a few times. Marty McFly had it easy, time travel is a lot of book keeping. Otherwise you end up tripping over your own two feet, literally. Locking the moment in my head, I shift my thoughts to a destination. Right now, anywhere else seems good enough. I decide Poland, mid 1800’s is probably nice. Maybe get some Skiing in. Im pretty sure they had Skiing by then.

I blink, and am Gone.

Snow piles around my bare legs, darkness having fallen, save for a lonely moon overing up high. Mountains, bigger again by a dozen times over than everst, sweep high up into air, and plunge down into vallys far deeper than my eyes can see in the twilight gloom.

Also, Its freezing cold. And Dark. And I don’t think Poland ever had mountain ranges made out of Impossible. Norway, maybe. Not Poland though.

Fun thing about Time Engines, especially leaky ones. Really can throw off your aim when trying to find a good landing spot in 4-D space. Yet another reason for me to dislike Egypt.

Its also Freezing Cold, a situation which has not yet reminded itself to my satisfaction.

Based on the sudden exhaustion gripping me, I probably overshot my target by a good long period, and at least a few Standard Astronomical Units. I should be thankful there’s an atmosphere, since it gives me a chance to catch my breath before I ditch out for someplace that doesn’t remove my ability to feel my anything.

One foot in front of the other, trading through the snow, not really in any direction. Tree. Tree. Another Tree. Rock. Tree. Snow bank. And, wait for it, because I’m about to blow your mind here. Another Tree. Bored now

Its been 31.44 seconds, and I’m already ready to turn tail and never come back to this depressing wasteland of ice and pine trees. Which, to think of it, would require me actually knowing where the heck I am. Neptune Maybe? Post Terraforming but Pre Colonization maybe? Wait, no. Neptune’s moons look different. Where the Hell am I?

I want you to keep in mind, what happens next is not in anyway an indicator of my usual level of perception. It was dark, and cold. I was paying more attention to not slipping on ice or falling into a cravas than where I was really going, because I walked right into something large and fuzzy.

Oh, It’s a Very large and Fuzzy House.

That’s Furry.

And Moving.

And A Bear.

Good to know then. Wherever I am, there are bears here that do a wonderful impersonation of a two story suburban home. Aforementioned bear seems less than pleased with me disturbing whatever it is a bear in the woods does, since it turns to me and snarls with far more teeth than I would call strictly needed.

“Oh well…Fuck me then”

Because, really, what else do you say when something that big wants to kill you? Well, two other words come to mind.

“Run Away!”

[Nana the Destroyer]

* Tis a GLORIOUS day to behold!*

* Thine mountain's bitter winds raveging the land, ruthelessly cutting down the mountainside, throwing glass-like shards of snow to bite into thine face. Thy breath it cut short from the air as the frost bites into thy feet and hands. GLORIOUS! It is true... Jotunheim is a brutal... unforgiving realm. And I hath come forth to conquer her!*

* Such an act shall teach thoes who dared mock me just who they dealt with.*

* Tis bad enough the Warriors Three seemed content to ignore my challenge... tis bad enough they refused to serve me a strong mead in that hovel of a tavern... but the line doth be crossed when they refuse to even let poor Ursa sit with me in the tavern... Such IMPUTENCE as that shalt NOT be IGNORED!!!*

*So thyself and mighty Ursa decided we did not need them. We decided to hake haste to Jotunheim. We are certain that fighting against the Giants of Frost shall gain us the edge we need in acheiving our Glories!*

* The anticipation of such leave a broad smile across thy face... and a warm feeling in thy belly.*

* But first... Firewood. No glories can be reached without Firewood for the feast! But lo... what is this? I hear Ursa growling over the frozen lands. Tis not the normal growling brought forth by appetight... tis of anger! Who or what DARES to bring agrivation upon thy noble companion?*

"Urtha! What doth be the thourth of thine aggwivation?"

* I see a peasent... sporting dark hair and strange apparel... standing before him. Tis strange that she'd be wearing such strange garments in thy cold. Peasents aren't as hearty as ones such as I... though they are not quite as bright either. Perhaps she wanted to skin poor Ursa for a coat! How DARE she!!!*

* As she turns to flee from Ursa's mighty growl, I step forth to impeede her escape, arms crossed as I glare angrily into her theiving... bear-skinning peasent face!*

" Lowwy peasent! Speaketh why thoutht thought to anger thy might.... OMPH!!!!"

* My anger is unfathomable! This peasent dared to skin my companion... and now in a grand display of imputance she refused to show me propper heed and attempted to ram me like a mighty boar! The impact of her frail body incurred no pain... as if getting smote by a pillow. All she succeeds in doing is pushing me back down upon the winters drifting snow... flat upon mein back.*

* My face burns as I struggle with both my arms and legs, screaming at this foolish little whelp whilst attempting to pull myself up from the frosty snowback*

"Imputent peathunt!!! Thith outrage thyall not be taken lightly!!! Thou tempt to incur thy GLORIOUS wraff of NANA the DESTHTWOYER!!!!"

* Again and again I straing and move... attempting to right myself before thine wench can attempt her escape. But Lo... this of no use. I stare angrily up at the cloudy skies.... thy glorious jaw locked in anger, thy arms crossed.*

"...now... assist Nana the Dethwoyerth gworiouth athent tho I might thmite thee..."

[Spanner]

This day has had to much running. Seriously. Wake up, eat some kind of camel soup thing. Not really sure what it was, other than moderately tasty despite its rather unappealing smell. Sneak, unsuccessfully, into Tuts garage, Run out, Run through streets, run into a dead end. Span to Ice-death Mountain in the middle of nowhere, Run into a bear, Run From a bear. The hell is up with that? Not even like I could just Span away either, since I can’t see more than a dozen feet away in this darkness. Try jumping more than that, I could end up over a case or in an avalanche, or heck, being chased by more giant murder-engines covered in fur.

Did I just trip over a small child? Yes, I believe I did. Add that to the list of running related activities today. Ran into a small child in the middle of nowhere. Joy. Now, not only do I get to have the fulfilled experience of taking a face dive into a snow bank , but also being eaten by a grizzly from hell. Bergmann's rule has never before been quite so relevant to my interests. Oh, another side note. In the midst of my Life/death race with mother natures angry house pet, and subsequent face plant, I had momentarily forgotten that somehow my entire lower body feels like I just got body slammed by a freaking Sumo Wrestler.

You know, times like this, when you have literally no idea what’s going on anymore or what lead you to this moment, that its so easy to overlook the little things which make you miserable.

I half claw my way back through the snow (the other half being liberal use of words which Im sure a mother would be upset to know I used in the presence of a kid), and get back on my feet. There’s a little blond haired girl, decked out in body armor, with an ax bigger than she is. Got a horrible accent. Which is odd. Not sure if its an effect of my time blur or what, but usually people around me speak English.

Well…that’s enough interruption for now. Bears wait for no man afterall. Except there is that kid right there. I gotta make at least an attempt to get her to safty as well.

“Right, sure, whatever you say Sport, Happy to help. Time to go. Now. As in, Now now. Running away now. Bear. Mountain. Cold.”

I’m not my usually eloquent self, in case you hadn’t noticed. I reach down, grabbing the kid by the front of her chest plate, and give a mighty heave. Which does both fiddly and squat. “Oh You have got to be Freaking Joking. Do they make Ankle biters out of LEAD!?”

Bears right there. I can actually smell its breath. It can probably smell that I’m about two seconds away from bolting and leaving this kid to die. Bears can smell fear right? Probably. Doesn’t matter.

I’ll take my chances with a blind Span.

“Hang on Kid”

I take hold, Try not to scream, as we both vanish and jump a few hundred yards away. Appearing in darkness, my first assessment of our new surroundings is how joyously bear free they are. My second is that is also rather ground free, which is less a perk than the previous absence of ursine representatives. Gravity is still very much in effect, as usual, and now were falling.

Correction, We were falling, As Now we have impacted into the side of the mountain and are sliding down the hillside.

Well…the kids Sliding down the hillside. She weighs a freakin ton, and so her weight settled on the bottom. I’m probably an aweful person for even thinking it, but the 8 year old makes a really nice sled, all things considered.

Of course, we’re still heading down a mountainside in the snow in the dark. I believe a repition of my previous statement is in order.

“Oh Fu-Umpf”

I get a big wad of snow in my face for the effort. Charming.

[Nana the Destroyer]

* Thy peasent wench acts and speaks strangely... crawling through the, acting as frightened as a rabbit. She replies to my demands in a disrespectful tone, her fearful ramblings over Ursa and the mountain chill. When she attempts to pull me to my feet... she makes the strangest squeek, unable to lend me aide.*

* Even mighty ursa is set back by the wench's frailty... sitting at thy feet, looking down upon this spectacle with confustion.*

" Thou mutht jetht.... what kind of thelth rethpekting wench art though to be unable to lend thee aide? Thy mighty dethwoyer thought of letting thine imputenth thlide but..."

* Suddenly... Ursa's glorious visage dissapears from thy sight... the cold ground I was previously embedded in gone.... thine eyes widen for a moment, and as I feel the winds of freefall upon my, I glare up upon the frighten wench*

" WHAT hatht thou..... OOMP!!!!!"

* Thy back impacts the frozen rock face of the mountain... bouncing momentarily before, in a manner most unbecoming to a glorious warrior such as thyself, begin to slide down the hill... the wench having the audacity to use me as her SLED! Tis enough of a humiliation to be stuck upon one's back... but THIS goes too far! My arms and legs move, trying to slow the ascent, while I lash at this foolish wench with my tounge, screaming at her as we blindly slide down the mountains face, thy helmet cutting a swatch of snow upon our descent.*

" Thy thyall...phhht.... Thuffer for thith....plegh.... wench!!!!"

* the constant impact of snow and ice uncomfortably shoves thy helm down over my eyes... smushing thy nose. This excercise in humility has gone on long enough! I slam my hands down... grabbing into the ice and snow to stop this little ride... the wench must have performed more of her wenchy craft... for rather than stopping, the path we take is less controlled... DESPITE her interferance... we do come to a sudden halt. Thy helmet shudders as I feel thyself flip over... rolling before landing upon thy bottom.*

* The great Nana meant to do that...*

" Offf all the.... nggg.... HUMILIATHIONS....gyaaagg.... one could Vetht upon the.... eyaaa.... Great NANA the DETHWOYER.... getoffgetoffgetoff.... THITH... ith motht thertanly... the motht....HUMILIATING offf thutch....HUMILIATIONS!!!!"

* Thyself knows not where the wench lay... thine helm having been stuck down upon thy head quite hard... thyself strains to pull thine helm from thy head.... though such a task is quite difficult... despite the horns giving ample leverage.*

" Thou Tthalt.... Thuffer....for....thine.... INTHOLUNTH!!!!!"

* Finally... this great battle against thy infernal helm ends... as it is painfully thrust from my noggin... and thrust down into a bank of the bitter frost. It is there I hear a loud declaration of discomfort. Thy quarry has been found.*

"Intholent wench..."

* I draw thy mighty axe... it dragging a bit through the snow as I bring it forth to grasp in both hands... lift it up thoroughly... and lo... the mighty Nana sets forth upon the attack!!*

" HAFF AT THEE!!!!"

[Spanner]

Well, At long last, the slide down the hill has arrived at its end. Its sudden, unexpected end. I wish I could say I was sad to see it go, but that’d be a lie. Much like I wish I could say I managed to keep a grip on the kid, and not go soaring off into a snowbank. Which again, would be a lie. Not especially buried, though certainly dazed, I’m content to just lay there and let hypothermia do its magic for a bit. Little numbness never hurt anyone.

Well…that’s probably also a lie.

I do get to enjoy the ankle biters ranting as she stumbles about, tugging on her Viking helmet. Now if I could just get her to say ‘Kill da wabbit’, that’d be enough to convince me this day isn’t going to be a total loss. She even staggers into my field of view for a moment or two, and I have to bite my lip not to chuckle. Not an easy thing to do, but given how she’s already kinda pissed at me for the sled thing, and that Ax she got is equal parts big and sharp, I’ll try and get some positive Karma before I poke any fun at the brat.

Helmet comes free, and collides with my forehead. And here I was, having such a fun time, why’d it have to be ruined by a mild concussion. And mom always said the worst I could get from laying in the snow was pneumonia. I get back to my feet, shaking off the lose powder, mostly due to involuntary shivering.

Ass end of Nowhere. Come for The Giant Bears. Stay for the slow freezing death.

“Kid, I don’t know what your Problem is but- GIANT AXE?!”

Quips will have to wait due to the Giant Ax which is now coming at me way, WAY to close for comfort. Quick span behind the kid, keeps me well out of danger. I pop her helmet back on, and give it a few good raps with my knuckles, hearing the metal ring.

“Oi, Pipsqueak, That the thanks I get from saving your Psychotic prepubescent posterior from The proverbial Pissed off Pooh? What the Fuck are they teaching you kids these days?”

Yeah, at this point, I don’t even care to watch my language. Kids going off with Ye Olde English, which frankly is already annoying enough. News flash. Nobody Ever talked like that, Ever. Sure, they wrote like that. But they spoke like sensible, non lobotomized, individuals.

I know everyone else, by comparison to me, is a dumbass, but Could they at least TRY a little? That’s all I’m asking for. Just a bit of effort.

“So, Sport, I gotta ask. Where the heck am I anyway? Also When am I? That part would also be useful.”

[Nana the Destroyer]

* Oh, no she hath not!!!!!*

* As thy mighty blade comes down, seeking to layeth righteous smiting down upon the disrespectful wench... her form blurrs and... just as before... she dissapears. All thy Glorious effort splitting her in twine wasted upon a defenseless snowbank.*

* And just as before.... the light grows dim, as thy useless helm is shoved down upon my head and rattled, causing uncomfortable reverberations before she proceeds to mock thy size, thy posterior, and... the great Nana knowsn not what a 'pooh' is... but tis certainly spoken of in an insulting tone!!*

* the wench's sorely pressing of 'it' doth be of such insufferable magnitude I do not bother pulling off thy helm before berating her, axe pointed towards where she should be standing!!*

" Dithrethpectthul cretin!!! Thou thalt hold thy tounge!!! NANA the DETHWOYER thyall NOT thuffer thy further INDIGNITIETH!!!"

* I shove the helmet from thy head, throwing it down into the snows... to find the wench not before me... but behind me. Slippery feind this one... trying to sneak away from her due smiting whilst I be distracted. This shalt only serve to DOUBLE the wrathful smiting which the great Nana sought to deliver upon her!*

"Now... Hold thill wench, tho I may THMITE thy dithrethpectthul hindquarterth acrothth the reamth of ATHGARD!!!"

* I lunge again... axe falling down upon her disrespectful form... and again... she has dissapeared... again standing behind thee... again making the disrespectful remarks.*

* OH she doth so be requesting this!!!!*

" THILUNTH!!!!!"

* The great nana yells back... leaping this time... Bringing the axe down with greater force.... leaving a huge crater in the snow... snow left untainted with the glory of blood. The wench standing disrespectfully... impatiently behind thyself.*

[glow=red,2,300]" THOU..."[/glow]
* Thy blade begins to radiate... shining with the fires.... burning with the anger which beats within thy own heart....*

[glow=red,3,300]"...HATH..."[/glow]
* It grows hotter... glows brighter with each failed strike... each disrespectful action this wench perpotrates. The parted snows beginning to thaw from my blades fire. OH if thy wench thought she wast to be smoten before.... she is in for an even worse smiting THIS time.*

[glow=red,4,300]"...NO..."[/glow]
*I charge forth... both hands on the axe... the blade dragging through the snow, leaving a path of slush in thy wake, before I bring it up and... in a GLORIOUS display of godly smiting.... Strike it down upon her, the Great Nana screaming triumphantly!*

[glow=red,5,300]"HONOR!!!!!"[/glow]
* And in glorious flash... lay waste to thy surrounding forrest. Such a GLORIOUS display of fire and ash and slush and burnt things and godly smiting are TRULEY befitting of the GLORIOUS Nana!!!*

* The Great Nana stands there... listening... waiting... only to hear silence.*

* We are pleased... she surely did NOT get away this time. Certainly she brought this upon herself... as her impertenance only compounded the rightful smiting which she deserved. Another seems to agree with me... congradulating me on 'showing her'... I smile... pleased at least one inhabitant of this realm was present to witness thy glory. To waste such efforts on a simple wench would be folly without an Audiance!*

" Oh thertanly... it doth not be often that the Glorious Nana hath to exert herthelth...."

* My eye doth twitcheth... as I slowly turn my head... confirming just WHO was giving accolade to thyself. No... these accolades doth be delivered without sincerity! I feel the rage in thine axe glowing upon my face... a look of anger on thy face as I lift the axe... pointing it at thine insolent wench.*

" The Great Nana... doth [glow=red,4,300]HATE[/glow] thou!!!!"

[Spanner]

The Little Tyke’s face turns tomato red, as she rants off in her butchered old English. I have to bite my lip, otherwise I’d be doubled over laughing. Kids 4 foot nothing, and still manages to look down on everyone else, all the while jabbering on with this cute little lisp. It’s like watching Daffy duck meets Conan The barbarian.

“Actually, Ya, you will. I’m known for two things kiddo, And Snark just happens to be one of them. Deal with it”

She comes at me with the ax again, but this time, I don’t even have to try to get out of the way. First time was surprising, sure. I’m ready for it now, so it only takes a small span to dodge, my feet touching down behind her just in time to feel the vibrations of that monstrous ax cleaving into the earth.

“Hold Still? Let me think about that for a-Hell no! I enjoy living, thanks, and intend to continue doing so.”

Kid spins around, and I’m surprised she doesn’t topple over given how hard she’s whipping her weapon about. Again, she comes at me screaming in a bloody rage, and again, I just move out of the way, vanishing off of the level and reappearing a few feet away.

“Athguard? Oh, you mean Asguard! Man, I really missed the mark on this one. Not even in the same sector. You mind telling me the time to, or you want to get a few more swings in first?”

Oh, now the ankle biters mad. Her weapon starts smoldering, flames appearing along the sharpened edge, waves of heat melting the nearby snow. I’m beginning to suspect I may have angered this child somewhat more seriously than I’d anticipated. She charges at me, the fires growing larger and larger, her voice wailing in the darkness about how I have no honor, before she comes swinging down on me.

Well, of course, she doesn’t swing down on me. I span up a few hours, and take a look at the aftermath of the attack, seeing the scorchmarks along the trees and the burnt crator left by her firestorm. From there, it takes a bit of mental estimates to figure the scale of the attack, and then ballpark a safe point to span back to. I head back down, appearing a few seconds after the fireball had flickered out, standing once again behind the kiddo.

“truly, twas a masterful sight to behold. Thou did surely rend asunder the mixon harlot.”

I put on a good mockery of her speech pattern, watching the kid proudly toot her own horn before it dawns on her just who it was giving her these compliments. She turns, slowly, the look of triump turning into a frusterated rage, the brats age showing as she throws a tantrum, wailing about how she hates me. I stand there, let her work out her anger till she calms down a bit, or at least runs out of breath.

“You done now? Look, your tough kid. I mean, really tough. Why do you think I’m not trying to fight you! Look at me, I’m out of shape and unarmed. I’d lose a fight to an angry octogenarian in a wheelchair. But the thing is, I’m a time traveler. I’ve seen my future self, heck, I’ve talked with my future self once or twice. You literally cannot kill me.”

I try and let my words sink in a bit, giving the kid time to make sense of it. Meanwhile, I wander over to one of the now on fire trees and warm up in the heat, my half frozen limbs needing a good thawing. “So, we going to keep doing this little song and dance for a bit, or are you going to calm down and behave?”

[Nana the Destroyer]

* This one hast most certainly gained my ire. OH yes. Her... Ire gaining hast grained against thyself so greatly that the verry sight of her... filthy wenchiness has caused thy normally unscatheable demenor to fracture....*

" Thy INTHOLUNT little WENCH!!! 'Skipping' thy thcrawney, thmelly... booger-brained... wenchiness all over... MOCKING the honor and glory of thyself wiff thy cowardly thtentch of thy... cowardly thmellynethth!!! Thou thyall thuffer a THOUSAND HORRIBLE THMITINGS for thy.... pale... thmelly.... poorly dweththed.... dung headed intholence!!!"

* Oh I let her have it... oh most certainly did I let her have it... thy great axe still pointed at her, trembling as I scream insults down upon her, thy own ire burning like the fires of thy own weapon.*

[glow=red,3,300]" I THWEAR I thyall thmath thy... thtinky booger brain all over thith mountain like....like... THMUTHED BOOGERTH!!!!"[/glow]

* The great Nana stands there... teeth clenched... face burning with rage and ire. Heavy breaths fall upon the cold winds... panting like some mongrel hound. Upon my release of thy ire... this spawn of Loki hast tricked me into embarrasing thyself.*

[glow=red,3,300]"There?? Hatht thou theen what thou made me do? THURELY thou art pleathted with thythelf."[/glow]

* The great Nanna harumps, turning around with thy arms crossed. Truely, it is folly to turn thy back upon an opponent... but it's not as if any could TRULEY take the great Nanna.*

* Thyself tries to regain some solace... only for the wench to speak up again... the tone of her voice being that of one speaking to a child. How DARE she adress me in such a manner? Oh if she wasn't in for an eventual fearsome smiting allready I would most certainly double it's wrath... again.*

* The wench declares how unformitable of an opponent she is, stating the obvious really, as few can stand up against Nanna's might. All the more reason for her to resort to Trickery and this... 'skipping' thing she does. She weaves more of her trickery... claiming to jump through time.*

* I turn back... glaring upon this wench as she tries to warm herself by a burning stump.*

" Doth NOT try to inthult the withdom of the great Nanna, spawn of Loki! You come forth, attempt to thlay thy thteed... the mighty Urtha, Inflict countlethth degredathions upon thee... and now prethume to claim yourthelth completely dethenthlethth? And upon that... thou make the Blathphemouff claim to travel time? The Great Nana ith many thingth... but doth not prethume that thupid is one of thoeth thingth!!"

* The Great Nana dost not know how this would have slipped her keep eye... but the wench's actions do not seem to be syncing with what they should be*

""... Hatht thou efun been paying ATTENTION to the Great Nana???"

* Surely speaking to such a lower being seems to be pointless... as the wench is too wrapped up in engaging in some little... wenchie thing. Still, I am not about to this one get ideas about not knowing her place... with her disrespect and her... not taking her smiting like she should.*

"THURELY one thould exibit the common courtothey and actually LITHTEN to the bringer of thy DOOM!!"

* Despite this... her infuriating attitude remains. Eventually she turns... showing me the little bobble that she had crafted in the time she should have been paying attention to the Great Nanna. The words I speak linger with blunt contradiction to the attitude with which I present them.*

"Yeth.... thatth fabuloth.... it thall thtand as a monument to your craftmanthip for all time... Now that that is thettled we can..."

* I am interrupted, in a way, as the wench's form begins to dissapear... this further outrage only succeding it... further outraging thyself!*

"Hey... HEY... I...err... the Great Nanna ith Thpeaking here!!! Do NOT Prethume to dithapear whilth thou art being....

* Only for thy grand voice to fall upon the bitter winds, the Great Nana left standing, alone, in a charred crater.*

"... thpoken to...

*Next time... less speaking... more smiting.*

[Spanner]

The kid goes off, her lisp filled olde style faux Euro-English pentameter rambling off. Really, its starting to wear a little thin. Brats running out of new material, since she’s actually recycling a few insults. But really, the whole thing is gotten onto a loop. Insufferable arrogance, how dare I disrespect her greatness, little bit of self affirming and vanity, and finish off with a few oaths to seek vengeance for my oh so unforgivable crime of taking our little get together as a casual dialog rather than a duel to the death.

Yes, truly I am a horrible person. How dare I try and get this pre-preteen twerp to lighting the hell up.

Course, I don’t even get a chance to get a few more words in edgewise to her rants (Specifically and in order “Its spanning, not skipping”, “I prefer ‘tactically inclined’ to cowardly’, “Will the smashing be before, or after, the thousand or so smitings I’m already owed?” , “Pleased with myself? Ya, a little”), She goes onto an entirely new rant. And, if you can believe it, this one is even more dull than the previous. I’ve heard it all before. Time travels not possible, how dumb do I think she is to even suggest such a blatent lie. Blah. Blah. Blah. I don’t even bother listening as she goes off, instead getting to work on a little demonstration.

Checking around on the ground, I spy a baseball sized rock, freshly exposed from under the snowdrifts thanks to her burning ax rampage of a few moments prior. That’ll work. I dig around in my pockets, checking to see what I have to make use off. Sharpie, Some bubble gum, googly eyes, monomolecular bonding agent, paperclips. Never really figured when I got into the habit, but mostly I just keep random junk in my pockets. It never fails to prove useful at some point later.

With my materials assembled, its none to hard a task to transform the rock into a little arts and crafts project. Glue on the eyes, draw a goofy little smile. I also add on the words ‘pay attention to this’ on the back of the rock, just so that she’ll have no excuse at all to ignore my little marker here.

And speaking of ignoring, Little Miss Destructo here doesn’t seem all to peachy keen on my less than studious attention to her ramblings. But really, show of hands, anyone surprised at that? Kid getting all uppity over something I’ve done? I thought not. But sure kid, keep on running your mouth off. Its about to be hilarious. Like, I almost want to bring along some derpy music to add when it finally hits her.

“No, I’m not listening to you” I say, straight to her face. Holding alof my pet rock here, I give her a good long look at it, from every angle “See the rock? Absorb its details, really memorize this thing.”

Ya, she’s not impressed. But the point is she looked the thing over. Which is all I’m really going to need from her anyway. Time to go.

Spanning off, I head to one of my useful hide holes. It’s a ways back, still a few billion years before two clumps of stellar dust stuck together, starting the formation of earth. This particular world is nothing much, just a lump of rock and an atmosphere, spinning around and old, dull star. Found it on accident, and despite a less than ideal location, I found a good use for the thing.

I’ve turned it into an archives of sorts Along the barren surface, I pop by and bury anything I want to keep safe or hidden. Memento’s from trips I’ve taken, things I might need later on. Its basically like my own personal planet sized storage locker. Here and there, I even spot things which I haven’t placed yet, marked with signposts encoded with messages I don’t have the cipher for. Seems to be a workable system, keeps me from finding things in my Yet.

Anyhow, getting sidetracked here. I find an open spot, and plop down the rock, burying it under the loose orange soil, and marking the site As best I can. Once that seems to be enough, I decide to take that trip to Polland now, get some skiing in. My elder self is going to have to field the rest of this one.

One perk of being a time traveler. Procrastination suddenly turns into a very effective way of dealing with things.

------------------------------------------------------------------------


Looking the little rock over really brings back memories. Been years since I planted it there. Er, that is, years for me. Technically, its also been years for this little rock as well, just a great deal more I’d wager. A few hundred thousand or there about. The inks worn away in most parts, the colors faded, even the stone itself looks worse for ware, having been eroded by the slow passage of time. Course, since I found it now, literally having stumbled upon this little memento from myself, I guess that means its time to finally go have that chat with Nana.

Which, if I recall, was taking place in a rather nippy snowstorm. Better remember to grab a coat.

Appearing back in the clearing, I shiver almost immediately, despite my nice warm coat. Asguard Cold is way worse than most other kinds of Cold. Looking around, I see Little Nana, and man oh man, is she cute. And short. When was she that short? Eh, guess its really unfair. I mean, when we met (Which, I do believe is right now) I was what, a head or so taller than her at the time? And I’ve had a few more growth spurts since then. Not enough to keep ahead of her, that is her older self, but that’s all still to come. Point being, its been a while since I had to look down at her.

“Hay there kiddo, long time no see. Or, short time see soon. What time is it?” I let the question hang a moment, before nodding “Right ok, so this Is it then. First meeting. Um…where to start. Guess with this” I dig around in the pockets of my jacket, and pull out the little rock, tossing it over to Nana “Remember this? You’d better, else that was a lot of set up for nothing. What else is there? Guess I should probably at least apologize a bit for my, that is my younger selves, behavior. Do keep in mind I was having a really rough day. So…ya, this proof enough for you? Genuine bonna fide explore of every last inch of time and space, the one and only, Spanner, at your service M’lady”

I know how much this kid loves her customs, so I give her a big dramatic bow, hoping she’ll appreciate the gesture. “A pleasure to re-meet you”

[Nana the Destroyer]

* Of ALL the indignified indignities that wench has inflicted upon me... this would have to be the least dignified of them all.*

* Thine sheer embarassment of all of thine Loki-shines she hath perpotrated.... shoving the great nana down, riding her upon such as she where a peasents SLED. Then... after the SHEER EMBARRASMENT of her evading the Smiting that she hast justly earned with minimum effort... she has the audacity to merely... leave. Poof. Nothing. Gone.*

* The embers crack around thyself, soot still mingles in the air... falling like gray snow around the scortched landscape, the heat that burned from Nana's sheer might immolating a crater from the frozen wastes. All this effort... wasted on some... Wench who doth now be bragging of my defeat before a crowd in... whatever tavern she doth frequent. Sucking down fresh mead and roasted meat near a fire as the great Nana is left here standing cold in Ash and snow. The wench probably has no trouble getting mead, DESPITE her being unworthy of tasting it's aged... frosty goodness.... a taste which the Great Nana is DENIED!!!!!*

* The great Nana just stares forth, Jaw angrily locked... before she sees fit to call her worthy steed*

[glow=red,8,300]"URTHAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!"[/glow]

* The great and terrible Nana's voice echoes through the peaks and valleys... cutting through the storms howl in search of her mighty steed. Lest the wench did take thyself to another realm, he shall hear. Now all that which remains is to stand and wait, scowling in the maelstrom that bites upon me... it's howling MOCKING me with it's attempted bite. Oh... it would LIKE that... for the great Nana to shiver, to show weakness before it... NEVER! Such a FEEBLE little sprinkle as this could not... SHALL NOT gain the better of NANA, the DESTR...*

“Hay there kiddo, long time no see."

* Nana's lightening quick reflexes snap to attention upon the unexpected, though not THAT unexpected, Arrival of this, the latest peasent I have been unfortunate enough to come across. Nana whips around... firmly gripping her mighty axe... only for a singed root to tangle upon thy footsteps.... causing a mighty crash back into the grey drifted snow.... which she quickly recovers from, he feet planted firly in the ash.*

"... the Great Nana MEANT to do that!

* the great nanna Aims her axe upon this newcomer, the winds howl masking the silence between me and this stealthy peasent, her hair the same color than the last, her eyes the same as the last, but taller and wearing strange, brightly-colored robes, and speaking strangely as if she did not know if we've met already or not. Clearly the awe-inspiring grandeur of the destruction which the Great Nana hath sewn doth left her stupified.*

"Thou art truly a thrange peathunt...

* Thoon... I find thyself under attack! A grey sphere flying upon thy position. However, thy glorious reflexes snap in line... catching the projectile before it can do serious harm. It doth not take long to sense this object feels off.... like stone but with unnatural additions. I look down... looking over the crude, it's weathere black smile and the cracking eye who's pupil rattles inside the strange half-orb that houses it. Nothing but a broken white circle in the other's place. Age seems not to have been kind to this bauble. The peasent speaks... something about remembering stuff and apologies.*

" Yeth... fathinating.... clearly a thethtement to your thkil...."

* The great Nana's eye's widen for a moment. She looks upon the rock... looks back to the peasent. Back to the rock... then back to the peasent.*

* Thy mighty axe falls into the ash... as the Great Nana simply stares down upon the bowing peasent, Jaw agape in a manner undignified of the Great Nana.*

"The WENCH? Thou... art the Wench?!?!?"

*Impossile! The wench left but seconds ago.... but now she stands here... of greater age than the Great Nana.... well she was before but now... morso! By Odins beard this...this doth certainly not be possible!*

"But... but... how? ...thou where just... in the.... and now thou art... bur art not... as with thy bauble..."

* The Great Nana exclaims with less eloquence than she wishes... yet, the sheerweight of such a revelation is insurmountable. The Great Nana, in all of her Glorious wisdom, is left aghast.... her mouth open, pointing a trembling finger at the wench. Left too... aghast to notice the ground trembling beneath.*

* In all of his GLORIOUS... glory... the great and powerful Ursa bursts from the charred treeline, landing soundly behind his befuddled master, and releasing a mighty and glorious roar which shakes the verry mountains down upon the aged wench. But then... with the slightest gesture... he is silenced. A gentile movement of the palm towards him, and he stops his roar... smacking his mighty jaws, before faling over upon his mighty back and making.... pained sounds*

"......"

* The Great Nana stands befuddled, staring at her fallen steed.... nothing can stop the Mighty Ursa from protecting his master... nothing! How... how could the elder wench fell him so easily... let... of course...*

"Thou... though hatht POITHONED URTHA!?!?!?!?"

* the Great and TERRIBLE Nana screams, an accusatory glare staring down upon the elder wench... the sheer rage radiating from her body causing her finger to tremble with... rage. Eyes glaring firery, rage-filled daggers upon her through the tears brought forth by all of the ash.*

[glow=red,4,300]" THOUGH THALT CURE HIM THITH INTHTUNT!!!!!"[/glow]

[Spanner]

At first, it plays out just like I would expect from Nana. You get to know somebody, and it gets easy to predict how they are going to act. With her, its especially simple. Pride, arrogance, and this unquenchable thirst to prove herself to anyone and everyone. So, she acts like she's above all this, like she is so great and powerful that events pass by without need of her to take great notice.

That is of course, until it all hits her at once. Should have brought a camera, the look on her face was indescribable. The Bulging eyes, the gaping jaw, reaching for words which escape her. Heck, forget the camera, I should have brought a poet.

Course, she still calls me a Wench. Gonna have to put a stop to that one before the name sticks.

"No. Not 'The wench'. Spanner. The Spanner." I give her a little smirk "And I already told you the 'how' part. I move through space and time. The Me that disappeared a few moments ago? From my perspective, years have gone by. I wanted to make sure enough time passed for me that you'd get the picture, the whole picture. I'm a genuine Time Traveler Kid."

And then, Like a freight train, in comes Ursa. All spitfire and anger, coming to the call of its tiny master. Course, dosn't hit me till right then that this is Ursa before he got to know me. And As Such, THIS Ursa, has no problem turning me into a bloody sack of meat and crushed bone.

Course, I have the advantage of experience, and my Experience tells me that there is one thing in all the universe which can stop a raging Ursa in a heartbeat. And I just so happen to have one of those special little things here in my pocket. Take aim, and release. Takes a nice Parabolic arc and lands square in the bears jaw.

Guy Stops like he Hit a wall, rolling over. Makes me almost want to scratch his belly. Take away the gargantuan size and teeth and claws, and he's a big ol' puppy dog.

Ah, but if its not one thing, its another. Kids now up at arms with tears in her eyes over her bear. And Wow she's got a look of hate in her eyes. It almost hits me like a solid force. Just pure, absolute rage their. I've seen calmer Red Lanterns.

"Woah Woah, take it easy. No poison here. See?" I pull out another one of the tablets and throw it to the kid, not wanting to get anywhere near her and her ax till she calms right down. "Just a Bit of beef Jerky, some bubble gum, Lemon and BBQ sauce. Don't ask me why, but Ursa here loves the stuff"

If anyone asks, I'll swear I timed it out intentionally. But the reality is that Ursa just happened to let out a very, very happy sounding...Bark? Cry? What exactly is the technical term for the sound a bear makes that isn't a roar? Belch? Can't think of it at the moment, but I'm sure It'll come to me.

Nana Seems to calm down after that, which is good for me. I was fresh out of Bear treats, and if she starts swinging at me, then Ursa is going to jump in, and I don't know if I can Temporally dodge both of them at the same time. That trick really only works for one on one fights.

"Ok, now that nobody is going to maul anyone else, I got a few things I need to say and not much time to say it in before I gotta head out. My Younger Self is going to be spanning back in." I take a second to pause, collecting my thoughts. What do you say to your closest companion, when they don't even know you. "Nana, You want to be a great warrior, a champion of Asgard? I, that is to say, my younger self, is someone who can help you get there. I know I can be difficult sometimes, but you have to be patient with her. That younger me isn't nearly as big and confident as she lets on. Theres Further information I can't get into. But if your willing to put some trust into her, you won't regret it." I pause, with one more thought "And don't tell my younger version about anything that I said or did. Its better she not know"

There is a sudden Crack in the air, as my younger self Suddenly appears. Knew I was taking to long. Its never good when two of me cross. Time gets twisted and space warps. Already Its giving m a headache. She looks at me, and I look at her a moment before I Turn and Span out.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Well that was honestly a bit concerning. After finishing my Ski trip, I had planned to go pick up the rock a few million years in its future, only to find it wasn't there. I come back here, and see an older version of me chatting it up with the prepubescent berserk ankle biter.

I turn to the kid "Alright, Spill. What were you and Her" I gesture at where my older self had just been standing "Chatting about?"

[Nana the Destroyer]

* the Great Nanna NEVER should have lowered her guard!*

* Tis bad enough the wench hath returned to finish the fight, but she doth strike at me through my trusty steed... the Mighty Ursa! He lay upon the scortched earth, in agony over whichever poisons this spawn of Loki hath inflicted him with! The great nanna cannot... WILL not loose him, her faithful companion! NEVER!!! The wench hath best produced the antidote... or I swear upon Odin's beard...*

*SHE....[glow=red,3,300]WILL.... [/glow][glow=red,4,300]PAY!!!! [/glow] *

* Too late doth the wench recognize the folly of harming her mighty steed... however she does not recognize the folly of lying to the Great Nanna! She produces a small flask, insisting all she did was present him a treat, composed of herbs unherd of by Nana before. Such an explination stinks of witchcraft and tricker!!!*

[glow=red,4,300]"Thou... thyalt... NOT attempt to LIE to the Great and TERRIBLE Nana again trickster!!!! NOT if thou want thy head to remain upon thy thoulders!!!! Thou thalt cure him of thy thorthery, or Nana THWEARTH upon the Odinthon'th hammer that her GLORIOUTH wrath... "[/glow]

* the Great and Terrible Nana's edict was disrupted by a loud and... rude sounding noise. Almost like thunder did it rumble through the air and ground, Suprising Nana with it's sudden nature.*

"...thyall...be..."

*Thy head turns, looking over to where the noise emanated, only to find the Great Urtha smacking his mighty maw... and rolling happily in the ash.*

* Thine eyes slowly trail back to the wench... as thy great axe is lowered.*

* This... doth be ackward*

* In thy current state of beffuddlement The wench presents herself, saying she has limited time before her younger 'spammer' returns, though composes herself for thine moment before speaking. She asked upon my great desire as if she already knew... of thy ascention to glory. She then speaks that the younger wench... the 'spammer'... can help with this, but I must be patient. She says there is more... yet she cannot divulge this, nor am I to tell the young 'spammer' what the ender 'spammer' said.*

* Suddenly... Thunder tears through the winter sky, the verry air shuddering. Nana brings her axe up again... taking the defense as she slowly turns. SO... the Thunder God doth stopped hiding upon midgard to face the Great and Terrible Nana! Now, if the Odinson would merely show himself... and....*

* In one moment... Nana's axe falls down upon the suit and ash with a mighty thud*

* TWO Spammers!?!?!?*

* Thy head darts between the two... attempting to make sense of this. There can be but one in the realms who knows the future... who could be possible of this 'time travel'... but this one's name escape the Great Nana for the moment. Even as the two wenches stand before her, the Great Nana cannot upon her existance think of their identity. It feels as if it should be plain as thy nose.... a name that any should know... but the Great Nana keeps drawing a blank. THINK...THINK...THINK...*

* Why doth the Great Nana's head hurt?*

* The great Nana rubs her forehead... there is only one spamwench now... she comes upon thyself... staring down with anger, wanting to know what the elder spoke of.*

* Nana can only stare up, blinking. This... doth not happen to Nana? Why doth this happen? Just standing before the spamwench with thy hurting head and thy axe at thy foot... mouth agape as thy hath nothing to say.*

* Thy head quickly regains composure... and thy mind clears... Only for the full realization of what the great Nana has found to hit her, though it takes a few moments for her to find the propper words to describe the situation.*

"....bytheodinthon...."

* the Great Nana rushes forth, wrapping her arms around the spammer... NO! Not a spammer! A Norn! She is a NORN!!! A spirit who can forsee the future! AND I HAVE FOUND ONE!!!! I embrace her snugly, my arms not giving quarter as I hold her!*

" Ohbyodin'thbeardITHWEARIdidn'tknow!!!! Thatthmitinthing...Iwuthjuthtkiddunithall!!!! OhpleathohpleathohPLEATHEforgivemytrangrethionthgreatandpowerfulnorn!!!"

*I can't beleive this... a NORN... right here...right before me! I certainly hope that whole...smiting thing didn't anger her in any way... I mean if it did she might not do what the elder her said she'd do... that I'm not supposed to tell her about.... even though she's asking me about... that I can't say...*

*oh what do I do? What do I do???*

* Strangely my musings are interrupted by this popping sound... and blows to the head and... gaspings. I wonder where... OH BY THE HOARY HOSTS OF HOGGOTH!!!!!!*

" THORRY!!!!"

* I let go of the Norn.. backing up... mortified at what I did... what I could have done... who could know that norns would be so fragile??? As great and powerful and glorious as I am.... I drop to the ground in total humility before this spirit as she stands, coughing and gagging*

" THORRY!!!!! OhI'mtho..tho...tho...thothorry... PLEATHEforgiveme!!!!"

* Thy face is practically ground in the ash and dirth as I practialy grovel before the Norn...begging for her forgiveness... brought almost to tears. I cannot bring thyself to face her, even when she continues to ask what the elder said. *

" wh...what? I...I can't. I'm...I'm thorry but I can't...! You... she.... thaid not to."

*Oh Odin PLEASE don't let my misgivings ruin this glorious day!*

[Spanner]

Clearly I said the wrong thing at the wrong time. Because what should have been a simple conversation. Well...as simple a conversation as I can expect from this kid. Really more of a channeled rant which, when taken as a whole, resembles a conversation. But instead of that, instead of a nice peaceful talk to get some answers as to what was so darn important that my Elder self felt the need to initiate a momentary Gemini incident. Nope, none of that. Really, I feel silly for even thinking it.

Clearly the logical choice is that she snaps and tries to break me in half via squeezing me till I snap. And its undoubtedly working. Already lost most of the feeling to everything below my waist. I attempt to explain to her that this is both unbelievably painful and likely to cause lasting injury, as well as my strong desire for her to stop.

What actually came out was a soft gurgling sound followed by several wheezing breaths. So, we can rule out diplomacy. A more direct route seems equally fruitless. I try and bang my fist against her head for a few moments to get her to let go, and am reminded that little girls are not made of sugar and spice, but rather, concrete and steel.

After an unacceptably long period of time, in which I was sure my eyeballs would have popped out of their sockets due to the amount of pressure being applied to my midsection, somehow Little Mrs. Norway decieds to let up. I crumple like a pile of dry leaves, and lay there on the ground till the universe stops spinning.

Well...Till it stops subjectively spinning. I mean, Objectively, that'd be an unreasonable amount of time to wait, even were I to span ahead a trillion or so years.

Once the ringing in my ears dies down enough so that I can actually hear, I catch word of the girl pleading and begging for my forgiveness. I was going to reject that apology, and tell her exactly where she can go and stick her ax, but then, I mean...she's all on the ground and bowing and groveling in the dirt. Kid really is sorry.

I don't know. I guess its the fact that I still can't see streight, or that I'm currently having an embelisem brough on by the crushing pressure to most of my cardiovascular system. Either way, I can't bring myself to be to to mad at the girl.

"Its fine...just...ugh" I have to pause to cough a bit, my lungs still working on refilling with air. "Just tell me what my older self said, and we'll call it square alright?"

And she says no. More specifically, she says that she can't, because my older self told her not to. Well...Fuck me then. Because 1. Thats one of the rules, don't second guess your future self. And 2. It means she's important enough, to me personally, that my future self felt the need to come back here and interrupt our first meeting with Further Information.

I hate it when things are going on and I'm out of the loop, especially when the one keeping me out of the loop is also me.

"Ok then" I grumble, getting to my feet. "Whatever is going on here is to much for me to deal with in the middle of a blizzard on a mountain that seems hell bent on killing me in increasingly unpleasant ways." I put a hand on the Kids head "Take a deep breath, and don't make a big scene."

And then We're gone.

Forget artic hell hole, and say hello to Tropical beach. Well, tropical isn't entirly the right word. Beatelmox XI isn't exactly an earth like Planet. Atmosphere is alright, but the rest of it is pretty alien. But a Beach is a Beach, even if the sand is made of precious gemstones and the 'water' almost looks like liquid silver. The three suns shine overhead, but the biocontrol dome over the beach resort keeps the temperate a pleasant 85. I landed us a few hundred yards away from the main beachfront area, in a more secluded little cove, where we hopefully won't attract attention.

I start to strip down out of the heavy winter clothing. As I do so, I look to the kid. "Welcome to the Three Sun's Luxury Hotel, Year 6723. The Galaxy's number one Vacation Destination"

[Nana the Destroyer]

* It seems like forever that I got my nose in the ashes and the dirt... waiting for the Norn to speak. With all the stuff I've tried to do to her... shes got a lot to be angry about... and now I'm not telling her the stuff she asked about because she told me not to.*

* What if it's a test of Honesty? What if she wanted to test my faith in her norness? What if it's a trick? What because I won't tell her she doesn't believe me when I say I'm sorry for almost crushing her???*

* I can't let such a thing happen! I can't loose the favor of a Norn, lest I suffer dire consequences! I'd serve her for eternity rather than let that happen!*

* I hear her speak in the strange plain way she speaks, not sounding pleased but not sounding angry. I look up at her. I probably don't look too glorious right now... with all the crying and the ash and the dirt and stuff. She complains about the ill wind, and not knowing what is going on... or so she says. Because... she's a norn. They see all. I sniff a bit as she places her hand atop my head, then tells me to calm myself and behave*

" o...Ok..."

* Then some strange happenings... happen. Like when the two Norns appear but without the weirdness.*

* Suddenly we are no longer upon the treacherous, wind-swept, mountains... but some place bright and shiney and... warm. REALLY warm! Like... Moos... Muspooh...Musp... the BAD REALM hot, but not all... torchery and evil and full of demons ready for the slaying.*

* Well that stinks.*

* Either way, I...err.. Nana is left reeling from the sudden treacherous brightness, her eyes left... not good for seeing in a painful way. And she is sweaty... and thirsty... and it smells weird.*

* Nana doesn't like this realm much*

* Still left... not seeing from the brightness... and while she can hear Ursa's mighty... snoring... Nana is unable to look towards the norn as she welcomes me to this inhospitable realm... the 'three suns luxury resort year 6723'. Tis a long and silly name for a realm this... inhospitable. Though there is one thing that befuddles me... well, that I haven't mentioned yet...*

"Yeth.... thith gloriouth an... thuff.... but great Thpanner...What art thith... vacation you thpeak of?"

* Nana can kinda see stuff now... if this horrible ream of nastiness looks like a sparkly white blurr.*

" Ith it thome thort of grueling training which only one ath great ath I could...thurvive?"

* Yeah... that must be what it is. The blinding light to adjust me for fighting without the aid of my sight... and the funny smells to adjust me for adverse... smells. And truly this heat must be one of the tests... for it would take one with extreme endurance and virtue to withstand wearing their vestments in such horrid conditions!*

* Nana can feel the sweat on her brow... dignified moisture rolling down her soot-covered cheek as she speaks to the black blurr that can only be the norn standing before her.*

" Verily?"